If you’ve never bumped into a bully as a female musician hang on to your banjo – at some point you most certainly will.

Music bullies are initially disguised as gregarious, entertainers but without too much provocation they quickly morph into divas or divos. These ego-maniac artists can wreck havoc on your career and can suck the confidence right out of you. They are usually very high maintenance and believe the universe revolves around them.

So who are these people and who gave them the right to rain on your musical parade?

The Holy Trinity – Me, Myself and M.E.

Bullies are typically people, male or female who’s main motto in life is summed up in the acronym M.E. (my ego). Everything is about them, their career goals and what they can get out of any given situation. They are often front people or leaders in bands (although not necessarily), or they can be agents, managers or any one who holds some form of power.  They are known as go-getters but are so goal oriented that they will drive right over you to obtain their trophy.

The music biz is abuzz with such characters and as a female musician you‘ll need a black belt in Karate to counterattack their assaults. Don’t be alarmed if they put out a full out attack against your career if you are taking some of the juice from their limelight.

Music bullies are friendly enough but that is more often than not a tactic to get close enough so they can later manipulate you to get what they want.

Constant Craving

Songstress extraordinaire  K.D. Lang couldn’t have titled a better song revealing a bullies deepest desire – constant craving.  That is the driving force behind their actions. They are addicted to attention and power and if you get in their way you will pay the price. Their common mode of operation is to use overbearing tactics and condescension to get you to acquiesce to their needs. They override authority and cross personal boundaries whenever it suits them.

Enter the Drama Queen – or King

There seems to be a recurring theme with bullies.  They’re a sucker for crisis.  A challenge makes them feel alive and if there are no challenges on the horizon, they will dream up some way to create drama.

In a band situation, you will often find them conjuring up some urgent situation needing immediate attention or creating discord amongst band members.

…So what do you do when you meet a bully in action?.  First of all, recognize that if you just let them have their way, you will be doing this forever.  Secondly, if you get on the attack with them you may start a forest fire that can ravage through your career.

The best way to deal with bullies is to inform them that you don’t appreciate being treated condescendingly or disrespectfully. Don’t get over emotional about it or this will be viewed as a weakness (especially if the bully is a man). Let them know that you are onto their game and that you’re not going to roll over and play dead.

Also, communicate diplomatically that you’re not going to get into their boxing ring and swing it out with them.  Once they realize their cover has been blown they usually will lay-off and find someone else to torment.

As front people a psycho personality adds theatrical flare and excitement to any performance, but this can be more trouble than it’s worth.

As a women in music it’s a good practice to be as diplomatic as possible and learn how not to be taken advantage of by bullies either female or male.

Today’s Quote: